Last night I went to bed at 10:30PM. A strong electromagnetic storm had been going on for the past three hours, as Nibiru is now very close: the skies are very obscured with HAARPed clouds of the chemsprays to create the filters that hide the light sprectrum people would see Nibiru by, which also are toxic to all life, and killing it (all), creating destruction and a world of controllable nanobot technology for the transhuman agenda of Lucifer. Because of the plasma arc-ing, all electrical plugs are pulled from outlets except for the air conditioner, and there are no WiFi devices on, no LED is on either (LiFi), and the cell is debatteried, in a metal box. Any EMFs are from sources outside my apartment.
As I do when lying down to sleep, I thanked God for the day, and cleared my mind and breathed and let go to sleep.
I awoke two hours later (I later found out), after this. I will do my best to record simply what I experienced. There is no “transition” into this Happening; no frame of reference, segue, etc.
I realized that I was looking at a scene my granddaughter Emily had made, perhaps with an animation program: it seemed like I had found this online (now I am blocked from her Instagram, so there is truly no ‘window’ for me into her life), and as I looked at it with the great interest I had, seeing the room, I saw it was of depth, and moving. Like an environmental shadowbox with objects and light and motion.
It was a room I looked into as if there were no wall between me and it. [small diagram] It was warmly lit with glowing golden light from three bay windows (like my girlhood bedroom had) at the wall opposite me. A soft, late afternoon light, not harsh like the light now. I could see that there was some furniture; shelves, things hanging on the walls behind the three chairs arranged in a semi-circle directly in front of me. A rug, perhaps braided like the one I had made when Emily lived with me in 2013, was in the center of the floor, the chairs around it. There were two pieces of white paper on the rug, one to the right and closer to me near the chair to the right-most of the semi-circle, and another toward the center chair. I was straining to read them (they were written on by her). All I can recall is that they expressed her feelings including about our enforced estrangement, and as I studied the scene, I realized it shimmered and was moving, and a cat quickly got up (it had looked like it was curled sleeping) from the left chair and jumped to the center chair, then the chair on the right, and sat. I saw that the cat was a burnished auburn-red colored tabby, and I realized I was seeing something that was happening, not just a painting or drawing.
And I said “Emily, can you hear me?”
After a very short pause, I heard her somewhat hesitantly reply (she is not allowed to interact with me and I am shunned, she was forced at age 11 to cut me out of her life, and she wrote in a book she made and gave to me – a small baby book with inserts she filled of things for me to remember her by “for when you think of me” she said as she took it from her purse and put it in my hand, looking back to see if her dad (my son Max) and his second wife Laura saw her do this – “I tear off a piece of my soul and give it to you for you to keep”): “Yes”. Another very short pause and in a voice that quickly shifted into the confident voice I recognized from when we were allowed to be gramma and granddaughter, she said “And you can see my thoughts and hear what I am thinking.”
And another “page” floated down, as a leaf might settle to the bottom of a pool of water, so thin and delicate, like a gossamer membrane like the inside of an egg the chick hatches from, but thinner, as if it was all color with no backing surface. It [diagram] came right down, obviously intentionally, and I saw it as if it were in a watery atmosphere. As it reached the rug, its edges still quavered and rippled, and the room was full of energy. I looked at the drawing (*it was a drawing she did) enraptured, and it was a white Rose of Sharon flower with carmine-tinted edges and center, and the one flower filled the paper, which never truly ‘settled’, but just-so-delicately hovered over the rug, as if alive.
All of this happened in an instant.
I replied (to her saying to me “and you can see my thoughts”, for all of this happened with no delays: experienced): “It’s beautiful. And I can hear you whistling.” For she had been softly whistling a melody as the flower came down. (Jamie whistled, I whistled, Max whistles.)
And then the room began to dim, and the dimension and ethereal glow withdrew as if a dial had been turned like volume down, and in the pause as I waited then, realizing as it dimmed that she was not going to reply because the portal closed, the veil drew back over, and I rose to my elbows and came to a waking state, no longer dreaming or asleep, and felt the bed and the room around me, and the sound of the ceiling fan and the clock on the wall ticking, and I sobbed, and thanked God for letting us connect in Spirit.
** At first I wondered, awake now, if it was my ~daughter~ Emily I connected with in this experience, a vision, a soul exchange, but quickly realized it was Emme, emily my granddaughter. And the cat, the color of her henna-dyed hair… she loves cats: it was my granddaughter. I got a drink of water, wiped the tears off and blew the mucousal archons of emotional reaction from my nose and again thanked the Most High Father God for giving me this gift, allowing Emily and I to connect in our heart space.
I love you, Emily. [drawing as I always do two connected winged hearts] I am here with you always.
Gramma ❤ ❤
* from her mind’s eye, which through our DNA and pineal glands our spirits communicated
** Because also my daughter is named Emily; my granddaughter Emily is named after her. I named my daughter Emily ‘Emily’ because she did not look like a ‘Ravenna’, the name I had planned to give her at birth, the ‘art capital of Italy” so I named her after the poet whose poems I loved reading then, Emily Dickinson.
THREE POSTS IN ONE: THE UNIFIER IS TRUTH Blogpost 11August2019 (posted on the 12th)
The WP redirect BS again, 12:40Am 12Aug2019 https://wordpress.com/wp-login.php?redirect_to=https%3A%2F%2Fwordpress.com%2F
IT TOOK ME OVER 90 MINUTES TO GET ONLINE AND LOGGED INTO WORDPRESS. MOST PEOPLE WOULD HAVE GIVEN UP. THIS IS REALLY OVER-THE-TOP. I MUST BE SAYING SOMETHING THEY DON’T WANT HEARD. #PROOF
August 11, 2019 (But it’s 1:30AM on the 12th now)
“My people are destroyed for lack of knowledge, because thou hast rejected knowledge, I will also reject thee, that thou shall be no priests to me, seeing thou hast forgotten the Law of thy God, I will also forget thy children.” – Hosea 4:6
THIS IS A THREE-PARTER.
P.S. (lol PRE-script!) Watch WANTED (jolie, freeman) then The Adjustment Bureau (damon) and think about the wizard past the elysium fields and the fact that all governments are nephilim and enchantment is the veil since their religion IS witchcraft.
FIRST SEGMENT: WHAT I WITNESSED THIS MORNING
To break up the morning, I decided to run an errand, but forgot something and had to return to the house. Then drove a different way, just for randomness, and at a stop sign looked up. The sky was almost cloudless. I saw in the distance over the trees past a municipal park two objects in the sky, floating and very bright and dynamic, yet not helium balloons (too large) or kites. I crossed the intersection and drove into the park, as they were still in my direct line of sight. As I was looking, they disappeared. I gathered their relative size and speed from the environment while parked, taking these two pictures.
Here is where I saw two celestial objects, one larger, one smaller, flying together. There was one on the right, which looked as if it was a humanoid-shaped figure in white, and the white around it was in motion, like plasma balls that created a form, the movement of which kept the figure materialized to my sight and moving. It seemed to have a red hem or sash, and what looked like a head. It was interacting with a smaller being, in similar form. This one had blue instead of red, and seemed to be looking to and following the larger apparition, which looked like it was guiding the form just to its left, and slightly lower and behind, as if on a path. The appearance of the two was as an adult leading a child by the hand, while the child looked about in wonder and the adult looked back at him (or her). They were above the trees seen here, and rose another short distance and then dematerialized.
It was 10:36 EST when I took the two photos. The sky was clear. I felt a sense of peace. I ran my errand, and have been processing what my third eye sees of this.
Did a small child pass away and was being led by an angel into heaven?
If so, would this sighting beyond the veil necessarily be local, as in, to this geographic area? It was near a hospital, and the beings I saw were above homes, roads… an urban area.
With The Destroyer upon us now, its elliptical transit so close this month (the reason for all the 5G GWEN DEW towers, to control people when they begin to lose it as has happened every other reset, though they are hiding this from the masses with their enchantments, pharmakiea and their sorcery, including the geoengineering climate change lie), at night I often see stars, and they are in unusual places now. North is no longer where it once was. The stars are angels, appointed in their transits. The sacred texts (this includes the bible as put forth by Religion, Inc, albeit that is watered down information) all reveal that the skies will change, the stars, the sun, the moon. They use the geoengineering to mask this. By morning their jets and crafts have made trails and clouds and whiteouts to hide the massive, striped Nibiru spanning the rims of the earth we call the horizon.
Are the beings I spotted perhaps local watchers? For I have seen similar, at night. And of course, the Ezekiel’s Wheel I photographed, which was featured by Steve Olsen on his ZionaziTube channel WSO before they deleted it (even the supposed backup copy is hacked, a great effort they go to indeed, to silence my voiced observations as a witness in these End Days.
#detoxplease
SECOND SEGMENT: TO ALL THE FANTASY, SCIENCE FICTION AND HEALTH WRITERS FOLLOWING MY BLOG
Thank you for following, may I first say. I see that a fair number of my blog’s followers are self-proclaimed writers of Fantasy, fiction or Sci-Fi. As well, many who blog about various health topics. You, health writers, I am not so concerned about. But you fiction authors, and Nanowrimo peeps, heed my warning: plagiarism is a crime. Intellectual property theft is serious business, especially when what one “lifts” or “is inspired to use as a character, plot, story model – whatever – is derived from the content of what I write, which is TRUTH. Hard-won truth attained through detoxification of the pineal gland and study of all that has been occulted (hidden) by the powers of this world to create deception, hide from the individual their TRUE IDENTITY AS A DIVINE CHILD OF THE LIGHT AND ONE WITH THE CREATOR, and harvest the trauma they foment as a utility source, which is even sold back to the masses for their financial profit. It is free energy to them because we are their human resources: NOT TO BE CONFUSED WITH ELECTROGRAVITIC FREE ENERGY TESLA TRIED TO MAKE HUMANITY AWARE OF.
So if you – a Ravenclaw, for instance (get thee behind me satan) – make use of the enlightenment freely shared here, YOU WILL PAY FOR THIS THEFT ETERNALLY.
DO YOU WANT THAT FATE?
This blog is Premium: the domain copyrights the content and this is intellectual property. Yes, I work here doing the Great Commision to save souls: yours included. If you identify with dark forces, you are out of your league here.
You have been advised.
SURVEILLANCE, HACKING, IDENTITY THEFT, AND THE COLLUSION OF GOVERNMENT AGENCIES TO FURTHER DARK AGENDA OF SECRETKEEPING (EX IN NEWS)
Since meeting him, after he lied to me that he ‘really wasn’t a crossdresser or gay, but just experimenting (air quotes here) since his soon-to-be-ex-wife emasculated him’ (that’s as close to his verbatim words as I can recall), and before his then-STBX contacted ME through my eBay account and threatened to blackmail HIM for his lingerie and corsets and wigs, thinking I was part of what she left him because of… I had just met him, heard the lies… there was dark stuff there and I was so, so naive, so blind. I had no idea then about detoxing! #GodsPlanIsPerfect I believed what he said. What a mistake. And then the online hacking of all I did began, including gangstalking by first the barn manager where I boarded my horse, who insisted he was cryptorchid (an undescended testicle) and was dangerous, when he was a perfect gentleman with perfect ground manners and perfectly gelded (RIP Devon, a victim of all I speak of here), the neighbors who screamed from their yard “we’re watching you!” put up to it by his STBX, then friends and family. It is all of a pattern of classic gangstalking and not worth giving cerebral real estate to. Her (his now-first-ex-wife) had been having an affair with and then married a known and self-proclaimed computer hacker. My blog then, named after my LLC called HOME – Our Home Farm, was hacked. So it began. But I recognized it from my previous work experience, having learned computers from DOS and up, software and hardware, to becoming multiplatform and Lan/Wan certified at server level including telephony and all peripherals – even mainframes before Y2K, during which I worked at NASA Goddard Space Flight Center. And before that, I had singlehandedly created the helpdesk AND RAN IT for the Archdiocese of Baltimore, and after working at NASA Goddard, I worked at the Discovery Channel… DURING ALL THESE CONTRACTS I WAS TIER 3/4 DESKTOP SUPPORT RUNNING EXCHANGE MAIL SERVERS, and I was a Macintosh specialist as well, creating dual boot systems with emulators (there’s more preceding and following technical ‘stuff’, but that’s enough to make my point): I have spent a fair amount of time in the trenches of viruses and malware, trojans and denial of service attacks.
I have therefore been hacked since 2008 and it’s almost 2020. They will never stop. This is what they do: they are dedicated to destroying God’s people. (Read up on VMAT2 here)
He forged my name electronically and filed taxes as if we were still married, although we were legally separated. He wrote online back then “I’m in news. I lie for a living.” The Ire-Ess kowtowed to him – as all entities did and still do – because he is a part of their beast machine. His banner ZionaziTube is a pic of the mast truck he drives at… SANDY HOOK. He’s proud of that.
That’s SICK. How could I make this up! The proof is all there.
So I do pray for him. Like the writers who, like crows (ravens) swoop down and pluck up shiny baubles, he’s hoping I’ll pass before my time and he can collect on the life insurance policy he took out on me without my knowledge and in the property and settlement agreement which HE WROTE, asked for and was awarded by the Baltimore County Court in the legally-sanctioned theft his affluent father paid lawyers to commit while he claimed he was poor and stole all I owned in my long life, although he and I were married one day less than two years. We had NO CHILDREN, NO PROPERTY except the F350 he took, although I had sold my truck I woned outright before we met and married (I was his ‘show-the world-he-was-straight-when-he’s-not trophy wife who in the first year figured his deception out, throw open the closets and said I DO NOT CONSENT TO YOUR SKELETONS – and he crushed me like a bug as reptilians do.
Or so he thought. The etymology of my name is Victory.
The bumpersticker you have seen REALLY says HE WHO DIES WITH THE MOST TOYS LOSES.
So, being targeted and interfered with, AKA hacked. In the last week, I have dealt with supervisors at the bank, my main shopping source, and my ISP. Twitter account infiltrated just enough to leave-the-gas-on breadcrumbs of changing the color scheme and reading notifications. Besides legacy back to April interference with these things, payment abilities, illegal external logon attempts to get into my main shopping account. My mail server as well (paid for, not government email AKA gmail). (Made by the folks who bring us the dark entities are being brought in daily and a videotaped human sacrifice, as well as their opening ceremony ritual celebrating Lucifer are available online for all the world to see, so hey, even THEY are the dark majority giving the semblance of privacy to the unwitting. A Shiva stands at CERN as their idol.)
I am looking right at the paper records of my meeting with the state police and the Internet Crime Commission. I reported these cyber attacks (and more) on June 11, 2016.
People who work for the beast think they are above the law.
What makes him dangerous is that so many think he’s a good guy: HA. FACADE. Someone, please, go into his garage and house: it will be full of all my things. At least those he didn’t sell or give away.
And this sad person has police level access to databases.
This is truly a fallen world.
Ephesians 6 speaks of people like that as the wickedness in high places.
What is being done to me and my online presence and activities is an attempt to stop my ability to purchase, to communicate, and to create. To research, to network, and to exist as we have all come to think is natural.
Why is this happening? BECAUSE I AM A WHISTLEBLOWER AND THIS IS HIGH ORDER.
#PSYCHICDRIVING
Not only do I call out those who were once close to me, like my DC newsman ex, and my adult daughter (perhaps also my son, but I pray not) who is likely the beneficiary on this highly illegal and nefarious for ill-gotten gain GANNETT life insurance policy that is UNDESERVED BY HIM AND UNWARRANTED LITERALLY, AS WE HAD NO CHILDREN OR OWNED SHARED PROPERTY OR INVESTMENTS AND WERE MARRIED LESS THAN TWO YEARS. MY EX IS THE PERSON OF INTEREST IN THE ADVENT OF MY PREMATURE DEATH OF ANY CAUSE. I pray I am wrong about my blood family possible involvement, but these things must be documented, and searchable, in the advent of malfeasance of any kind which affects my wellness and personhood.
I call out the medical system who refused to test me for Lyme Disease after a lifetime of tickbites in Maryland’s Patapsco Park I called my playground for decades, the family farms in Allegheny and St. Mary’s Counties, and residences in Pennsylvania and Virginia all my life (besides Maryland). The 300 acres on the James I was asked to survey on foot, hiking, on Memorial Day weekend in 2015 where I was attached to by 20-30 nymph ticks.
Washington DC, MD, PA, and VA are ALL TICK HOTBEDS.
I call out the entire Luciferian world.
YOU HYPROCRITES AND MONSTERS.
I call out the family – birth and married into – who participated in satanic ritual abuse and hurt all of us, my own family and Jamie’s, the father of my children. And all families intertwined with ours or not – for it is everywhere. The child molesters, the rapists, the soul-stealing narcissists who literally kills children, albeit slowly, over a lifetime, spanning all time.
I call out my parents. My mother (Do You Know This Face?) who I believe was an MK Ultra nurse in the nation’s capital, and USED ME IN THEIR EXPERIMENTS.
I call out my father who raped me before I was two. I remember EVERYTHING.
CIA MK Ultra Document dated 27 March 1959, partial, transcribed
MEMORANDUM FOR: THE RECORD
SUBJECT: Continuation of MKULTRA, Subproject 68
1. Subproject 68 is being continued as a means to support a research program, the effects opon human behavior of the repition of verbal signals. The program will be under the direction of D. (blacked out) Chairman of the Department of Psychiatry at (blacked out, but this could be looked up and connected). The program will be for a period of one year, starting 16 March 1959.
2. The scope of the project encompasses studies upon the effects of predetermined signals upon (a) physiological functions, (b) patterns of behavior. The immediate objectives of the program entail a study of methods to (a) improve the technique of heteropsychic driving (b) to investigate the range of physiological functions which can be changed by these procedures. More specifically, these studies include:
(1) A search for chemical agents which will breakdown the ongoing patterns for behavior: more rapidly more transitorily with less damage to the perceptive and cognitive capacities of the individual than the present physiological agents.
(2) An attempt to develop better methods of inactivating the patient during the period of driving (exposure to repetition), and at the same time maintain him at a higher level of activity, by physiological and chemical agents, than by the present physical effects. Among the chemical agents which are being explored with respect to their capacity to produce inactivation are the following (used either singly or in combination):
Artane Anectine Bulbocapnine Curare LSD-25
I call out the public school system who saw the bruises, welts, cuts and burns, the missed days, poor grades and attendance – who confiscated my journal from 7th grade – and whose nurses and guidance counselors participated in the coverup.
I call out the Boy Scouts and Girl Scouts. My brother, 11, was sodomized by his scout leader’s stepson who was mentally handicapped and 18 years old, and neither my parents, his parents or the Boy Scouts did anything.
I call out the Freemasons, The Eastern Star and the Job’s Daughters fraternal organizations. I was the Jobie chaplain for five years (12-17) and was used at age 16 in a ritual in which I was drugged and my virginity was taken by the honored queen’s brother, who was a McCartney clone. Their uncle is Jerry Falwell! How small IS this world, how crazy! Read my posts IMAGINATION LIMITS OUR FUTURE and EXTRA SMALL.
I call out the county police and fire department who knew the child abuse was going on because I began calling them at age 7. The fire department knew my mother and her new boyfriend (parents divorced the year before, father a county teacher married another county teacher who had been a part of their 1960’s Baltimore County Education system swingers club (Last name Phelan jingle any bells?) drugged me and set the house on fire, but she slept with the fire chief and the arson investigation was silenced! I was eleven! I saved my three brothers!
I call out Salem Evangelical Lutheran Church. You, Pastor G. Paul Lottich FAILED ME LITERALLY as well as figuratively. I was the ONLY 14 year old girl who was a virgin, who did not – had NEVER – drank or done drugs, I had come to church since joining choir at age 4 and going to all sunday school and bible camps. I was ZEALOUS and SINCERE about GOD and TRUTH. You failed me in that you told me that for missing sunday school because I had to stay home alternate weekends and “keep my brothers quiet so my mother could sleep”, you decided I had to repeat 9th grade and could not move on. Yet on the weekends I was ALLOWED to let them make noise, i.e. get them dressed and walk them the mile – in any weather – to church, all three of them, and this included ironing their shirts and trousers and shining their shoes… Pastor Lottich, YOU FAILED ME. I was DEVOUT. I LOVED JESUS. I was PURE. You too, PAstor Lottich, must have been failed, so very badly.
This led me to joining the Forever Family cult the CIA created.
I CALL OUT ALL THE CHURCHES. This deception goes back to the beginning of all history.You are all a part of the synogogue of satan Yehushua called out.
I call out Keypoint Health, which was once simply the county mental health clinic. Lori Butkovich, the therapist who refused to allow me to incorporate spirituality into my therapy, when I requested that at our first meeting in my early thirties, and who in 2013 regretted disallowing doing that. You and your clinic and the illuminati mental health deception flowchart poisoning of minds plan destroyed what was left of the family I was trying to have, AGAINST ALL ODDS, BUT I LOVED THEM, MY FAMILY, MY CHILDREN.
I call out EVERY SINGLE PERSON WHO DROVE MY BROTHER CHARLIE TO SUICIDE. You alphabet agency mind contril V2K murderers. Pediatrician Robert Irwin who drugged two fo my three brothers to the hilt with Dexedrine, before Ritalin became a thing. THEY WEREN’T ‘HYPERACTIVE’: they were NORMAL, INTELLIGENT BOYS WITH ALCOHOLIC CHILD ABUSERS ON DRUGS AND WORKERS OF SYSTEMIC INIQUITY FOR PARENTS. And the adjacent county’s police who tapped my (then landline) telephone, and followed me with unmarked cars, parked outside of my house, intimidating and terrorizing me, a 25YO young mother of two who had the audacity (you bet I did!) to initiate an investigation into how badly they handled the accident scene.
The same county that WIPED AWAY THE $44,000.00 I WAS OWED IN BACK CHILD SUPPORT, the one that legally sanctioned the theft of all I owned in the recent so-called divorce, is the county government that put my estranged, very sad to speak of brother J into their public database as a child molester, when he had been framed by a 33 year old crack whore who lied, ruiniing his life. And I mean, his life was RUINED. AFTER ALL THE NEUROLOGICAL DAMAGE OUR PEDIATRICIAN AND MOTHER CAUSED, he became an alcoholic and drug addict of diminished mental capacity, then homeless. This is the same gifted child who built Testor models of jets and ships, painstakingly assembling and painting them, and hanging them from fishing line from his bedroom ceiling. Who made masks for all of us to wear so that we could see the solar eclipses safely. Who read everything he could get his hands on. He and Charlie both were gifted, talented, empathetic and kind. The only child who became a worldly success is the youngest, who is a narcissistic co-abuser our mother left everything to, and is a guilt-ridden alcoholic intelligent but trapped in a programming TV and sports prison who watches the idiot box even sleeping. I love him. I do. I pray for him daily. IT IS NOT OUR FAULTS.
We were SACRIFICED.
WE HAVE ALL BEEN.
WE MUST ALL LOVE AND FORGIVE EACH OTHER.
Like I was, forbidden to go outside and play anymore at age twelve, “because I had to take care of the boys”. If all this (and so much more) happened to just the four of us, WHAT WAS DONE TO OUR PARENTS, AND THEIR PARENTS?
It’s mindboggling.
I HAVE LYME DISEASE WHICH BECAME MORGELLONS, THAT COULD HAVE BEEN AVOIDED WITH A SIX MONTH SET OF THREE ANTIBIOTICS in June of 2015, THE PRESCRIPTIONS ROTATED, Dr. John White of Henrico Medical Accociates in Richmond! I WORKED for my Medicare. It’s not SSI. I earned it as a single working mother. I’m not a drug addict. I do not make the system profits though. I’m a Child of God. I have had to heal myself at great cost, and lost everyone and everything. Everyone, I say, because, tragically, my family believes the medical system’s lies. I rejoice in being a targeted individual. I choose eternal life over any material fleeting satisfaction obtained by
selling out to lies.
I wouldn’t trade the clarity of understanding I have for anything. Thank you, God!
I am so truly blessed.
I call out almost everyone. The ones who were good were and are truly the meek, poor and downtrodden, ignored and denied any and all ability to help stop the abuse at Shadynook. So few in number, and now, all gone. (I now know other Elect, and there are good people I am connected with, thanks to the trust I put in His Plan and where I am within It.)
I call out all rewriters of history. The fact that all we have all been taught is lies. The skeletons in the closets – come out now! Let me hang all these facts in the wind for you!
So yeah. My computer and online time is hacked. But I stand up to all of you, and I will never stop.
I must be such a frustrating Project Monarch and Project Mannequin original MK Ultra subject to them! I understand why my parents moved from the DC suburb we lived in to a street separated by a train bridge over the beltway from the Spring Grove Hospital Center where CIA experiments were in progress, the LSD ones involving operatives Timothy Leary and Richard Halpert (AKA Ram Dass of BE HERE NOW NOW BE HERE fame, that New Age mind control psyop to destroy the family and remove GOD from society). There is NO WAY this is coincidence. I grew up watching the experiments through the cracked, barred windows. I grew up THERE, things done to me in that cloning center 42 miles from DC, on the military road called 695. Coincidence? Ha.
MY UNIVERSITY PHYSICS PROFESSOR (I was in pre-med, SO glad I never became a murderer medical doctor) – MIXED THE INCENDIARY CHEMICALS FOR THE CATONSVILLE NINE.
My hometown.
I read 1984 in 1974 and that says everything.
The redirects of my premium WordPress blog login were identified by the “Happiness Team” support specialist as malware and hacking. I have witnessed the trojan in action, and see the scripts running, which explain the 10-20 browser instances running, when the cache is clean, zero, no history, and one tab is open. This is a lean, clean old system.
Even at a nearby MCDONALDS on their WiFi, a McDonalds I had never been to (and I never go to fast food places or any restaurants anymore, for that matter), with ample funds in the bank, I was not permitted to purchase alternate forms of software to examine what might be operant and remove it, as advised to do by all techs I have spoken with. THEN THE BACKBONE NETWORK OF MICKEY D’S DID A DENIAL OF SERVICE ON ME. And that was that.
They are able to completely halt pageloads at logins. They do it.
They are inside the backend of my paid-for email and VPN, the positive part of the atom, by name, FYI. And their “helpdesk team”, like all Secret-keeping Cluster A and Cluster B Narcissists who Lucifer was the first of, simply ignore my questions regarding technical security and etc., (I will leave usaid the specifics, but their silence reveals the answers and confirms all suspicions which arise from clues my background recognizes, as well as having a well-functioning pineal gland). (Note while trying to get online and post this: they have quite possibly applied DoS (denial of service) limitations to my VPN ability. Wow.)
Why is this happening?
The CIA doesn’t like it when they come to collect the 16 year old girl to work for them who they thought they had groomed/traumatized/gave splits and alters to SO THEY COULD USE HER TO DO THEIR DIRTY WORK.
Sweeping me under the rug has been their effort since 1976 when I told them no, unconditionally.
Oh no. NOW they REALLY have a thorn in their side.
I am one of Jah’s Elect, a watcher, and we are in the End Days.
I WAS MADE FOR THIS.
I stood up with truth and ethics to a lizard in capital news, and they give me Lyme and Morgellons. AND I HEALED MYSELF. I learned how to detox others as well.
I CLAIM MY DESTINY – THE DESTINY YOU TOO CAN CLAIM – AS A CHILD OF THE LIGHT, AND A PRIEST IN THE ORDER OF MELCHIZIDEK.
Jehovah never called anyone priests. The Religion, Inc. Roman Catholic Church translators of the edited bible did, in their weaponized word choices. The word “priests” is a 17th Century Englishman’s interpretive translation of what was actually said by Yeshua in the Hebrew: as the Elect, we are called by Jehovah to be KOHANIM. This is the plural of kohan: what was falsely interpreted as priests (giving the church of Religion, Inc. the power to extort and deceive and erase history under the deceptively trusted title of priests is actually the word JEHOVAH said: Kohanim. The plural of Kohan, I repeat. The verb root of Kohanim must be examined in order to understand the word Kohanim. Kohan’s verb root is “kahan”: one is a kohen only to the extent that one kahans. I hope that you have already immediately made the association to the term to “ken” something, from the celtic lore, eh? It means “to know”. One cannot be a kohan if they do not kahan. Only certain chosen people can kahan. Religion Inc. intentionally replaced kohan and kohanim with priest and priests, the officers and arm of the workers of iniquity, at the highest levels.
So what does Jehovah mean by His word, kohan? From Gesenius’ Hebrew Chaldee Lexicon to the Old Testament, kohan in its verb form means “to presage, predict, prophesy, and, by extension, to undertake anyone’s cause, to act as a deputy, or delegate, by [with authorization by that person or people] presenting the words of the one whose cause he [or she] has undertaken to third persons; to stand up on behalf, and to labor in the authorizing person’s cause.” Gesenius’ Hebrew Chaldee Lexicon to the Old Testament, pg. 385 [in relation to word number 3547]. Yeshua kahans in the heavenly tabernacle, according to the Word of God. The elect do so now. No societally ordained 501c3 accredited church affiliation is necessary. Only the Mind and Hand of God working through those He so chooses to receive The Light, who recognize and love Truth.
The Hebrew language literally tells a story. (And yes, the Egyptian language, and Mesopotamina/Sumerian, were also cuniform. Look at the timing and connection, post-Destroyer cataclysm reset.
This is why they changed language, the Babel tower Yahveh destroyed. The fallen angel-created languages hide history, and true history is inarguable truth. If you have wondered what people mean when they say language is weaponized, perhaps that just helped you understand it better!
Looking at the word KAHAN in pictographic letter form, as it always is in the Hebrew, one sees it is of three letters (pictograph symbol elements, to the western mindset), reading from right to left. The first one is an upturned open palm, which signifies “bend, allow, open, tame”: to submit; to be open to input. The next letter is a man with arms raised up with inspired revelation. The last letter is a nune, a representation of a sperm, and means life, or if in the final position, means the final son or heir who is the Messiah.
What is it to be a kohan? A kohan is “One who is submitting to the revelation that brings life, and speaks of the Messiah”. This is what it REALLY means to be a priest, as the word priest is considered to be.
And in Holly-wood, we have the Coen Brothers, film noir moviemakers extraordinaire. Coincidence? No. Inversal as usual.
I ask you this: would true bearers of Light do the heinous things that torture this world’s people? The little I have related of my life alone bears witness to the fallacy existent in their so-called roles! And I am but one person who had three brothers… two children, three grandchildren…
The Most High God INTENDED all of this, and all of this they fight tooth and nail; a dragon thing, divine light beings needs none! Where DO these clichés come from? <— That’s rhetorical. SMH. The reason for the alphabet agencies and Wag The Dog false flag twin tower human sacrifice stem cell therapy and natural flavor abortion business-cum-passing children over the fire to Ba’al, their adrenochrome-drinking governments and monarchies, the corporate oligarchs, the Rothschild dwelling in England where Lucifer sits at the table: his residence on earth when assuming human form. His grandson Mark Zuckerburg’s Facebook voluntary trauma endocrine harvesting surveillance database which feeds their Tavistock, adverts, social steering agendas… oops, I digressed again.
If you are reading this blog, unless you are a. – just a voyeur, ostensibly, or b. – in league with evil as a stalker of ANY kind, you are reading it because the Most High is calling you, too. I pray that you are enabled to speak out, too, against the wrongs of this world that we Lightworkers have come together to right.
I once met a man who was V2K’d to the point where all he could do was vocalize the voices he heard: it was truly like overhearing the transmission of parts of conversations from many different radio stations all at once, constantly. He was obviously educated, and was clean, well-kept, and healthy (looking). He had kind features and a pleasant, quiet voice, which could say thank you, I noticed, when a door was opened for him. Yet if you weren’t looking at him, all you heard was the many tiny portions of sentences. It was so sad. At the time, I thought he “was psychotic”, for want of a better term. Now I know that psychosis is created by the mind-splitting caused m=by MK Ultra tactics, which have existed literally since time immemorial, and are now full-on business. Even the woman who ran the barn my poor Devon was last at before he was euthanized was retired Army and worked for the government selling satellite contracts for the telecommunications companies. Really. I cannot make this up. (And yes, she gangstalked me.)
“My people are destroyed for lack of knowledge, because thou hast rejected knowledge, I will also reject thee, that thou shall be no priests to me, seeing thou hast forgotten the Law of thy God, I will also forget thy children.” – Hosea 4:6
The strong delusion and the apostacy of the churches hinges on this intentional omission of the true meaning of Kohanim.
Absolutely related to what I just explained in the preceding paragraph above, I had a great chat with @GreyTonka about the process of sacred information downloads and how it feels; how unbidden it is, how it affects us, our relationships, our bodies – everything. We spoke about water and cymatics. Making the acquaintance of another watcher who is being shown truth – watching this unfold, a watcher watching a watcher – it is amazing, and bless-ed, and sublime. I have no words for this. I suggested she look up the cymatics of church work that has been done. I am sure she will discover why structured water is real, and needed. DO YOU STRUCTURE YOURS? If you don’t, please start. Look at my kombucha posts, you can see the bottles, and (if it hasn’t been hacked out like some of my other posts) read what I have written. Search “cymatics” in the searchbar above. THIS IS GOD’S LAW: LIGHT > SOUND > CREATION.
Okay.
Ending this portion of today’s quilt-of-a-blogpost here for now. Thank you for reading, and I hope that all TIs (targeted individuals, i.e. the entire of humanity, miscegenated as it is) benefit. If you do not do it yet, please begin to detox. Your body is the antenna.
#detoxplease
THIRD (AND FINAL, WHEW) SEGMENT: THOUGHTS ON MISCARRIAGE, ESPECIALLY FIRST PREGNANCY MISCARRIAGE
A couple I care about very much just lost their first child. They are married and this baby was intentional and very much wanted. They see this as a part of the Most High’s plan, and I agree. His Plans are Perfect. His Law is Perfect. Children of The Light learn to live by His Law. (Jesus was an Essene, the Catholic Church hid this fact, and all churches hide it still. The world as it has been toxified makes it difficult to follow The Way, which is why this blog is subtitled ALKALINE DIET AND OPTIMAL HEALTH IN A NANO TOXIC WORLD.
I was thinking… if the mother carrying the baby who miscarries was not a virgin at the time of conception (I do not know whether she was or was not, in this case), but had the genetic material DNA of previous sex partners or from pelvic imflammatory disease (PID) parasites from sex play or bad family hygiene (at best), could this be a reason a miscarriage occurs?
Nichole, my daughter-in-law who I make intercessory prayers for daily, as she died of an accidental Illuminati Sackler-family depopulation drug Fentanyl overdose on December 20, 2018, was plagued by PID since her early teens, as was my sister-in-law, the older sister my first husband, the father of my two children, whose family lineage is of the Tribe of Dann. Both of these women were molested by their fathers as young girls, and each of them suffered from PID and an entire spectrum of reproductive and menstrual problems. I have come to recognize that, as all disease and death is parasites stemming from the original parasite called Lucifer, satan, Belial, Ba’al, Sammael, Baphomet, Beelzebub, and more, the afflictions from his seed are passed through the reproduction of those he mind controlled to traumatize – SACRIFICE – their own children to. (See the Fetal Cell Natural Flavoring page.)
Poverty or affluence make no matter, although cleanliness is indeed next to Godliness. Processed or impure foods, vaccinations, epidemics, OTC medication and the print, radio and television programming all contributed to this in the pre-digital days. The advertising, the growing music industry and Hollywood drove all of this agenda, with behind the scene forces of the axis of evil with men at the helms including Werner Von Braun, Walt Disney, Aleister Crowley (Barbara Bush’s father) and Mr. Prometheus destroyer of worlds himself, the father of the Manhattan Project, Robert Oppenheimer. Josef Mengele, who devised new lows in human experimental torture, was instrumental in the formation of MK (mind kontrol in the German) Ultra, and standards for the AMA and CDC, assisting the Rothschilds with that morass of coffin nails for what remained any real possibilities of wellness extant for the American people. Sugar and wheat created the foundation of the fix addictions stepped in to fill. Now devices, WiFi, apps, geoengineering, GMOs and mass MK Ultra and transhumanism push people like lemmings over their edges: over the ledge. It’s a plan. The elite long game.
But, I digress.
When I was in nursing school, I learned in Anatomy and Physiology (actually, I have taken that very course THREE times, with a nearly 4.0 grade: in 12th grade as an honors Biology class, in my early 30’s at the community college for transfer to University of Maryland School of Nursing, and then once more because ten years had elapsed and I had not gotten the sheepskin degree yet, although I worked in private care nursing, mostly palliative, end-of-life hospice care… now I refuse to do the remaining clinical for my BSN because I will not participate in that industry of lies and death) that the body self-regulates and will shunt off nutrients to the building of the placenta if the developing baby gives off a spectrum of nonfamilial identity blueprint. That the body will stop nourishing it and reject and EJECT the unwanted pregnancy if it is faulted. That this does not happen always, apparently hence the birth of infants with genetic abnormalities… or are these teratogenic only? I believe that IS the case: that it is the mutated genes damaged by the miscegenated DNA from the eons of activities of the fallen angels and the waste they have worked at destroying earth and God’s people with which are the reason for miscarriages. The parasitic serpent seed sin in us. #detoxplease
But in the case of first pregnancies, perhaps it is the Creator’s way of clearing the deck, so to speak, to make way for the child He intended to be conceived in the womb of the mother from the seed HE chose the lineage of. I had a miscarriage before my daughter was conceived, and I was alone and it was awful. I was 18 and quite lost then, post-Forever Family cult, reeling from the trauma of our childhood and its continuance in my brothers lives which I was unable to put an end to, as my parents and the system (see Second Segment above, a partial accounting) were more than I could change. The baby I lost was not from the man I married’s seed: it was an error, a sin of fornication product. I believe wholeheartedly that everything happened because it had to then. This is The Law of God.
My heart literally goes out to the parents of this child who stayed behind the veil and is with the Creator. His ways are perfect.
Oh, and if you are not already, get off all dairy, STAT. IT ALL HAS LUNGWORMS (THREADWORMS). That’s what mucus is. Period.
#detoxplease
Namasté ❤
Postscript: P. Knight, the queen is dead 🙂
Tags: detox,sorcery,strong delusion,say brave things,Spring Grove State Hospital,CIA,Timothy Leary, Richard Alpert,Ram Dass,satanic ritual abuse,child abuse,trauma,PTSD,CPTSD,narcissism,news,gaslighting,gangstalking,MK Ultra,Catonsville,hacking malware trojans and government computer surveillance,CERN,whistleblower,true history,Children Of The Light,Essene,cymatics,heart,spirit,strong delusion,sorcery
No better healing for the fractured soul than connection to our innate divinity. This is what everyone needs, and should start from birth. The souls of children are what must be aspired to in simple purity. Namasté ❤
A PARTIAL LIST OF ESSENTIAL WAKE UP VIDEOS
FOR COGNITIVE DISSONANCE PROGRAMMING VICTIMS
PlanetX / The Destroyer / Nibiru / ‘Global’ (it’s FLAT) Reset / cataclysm / Grand Crossing / Ascension Event / pole shift
This is actually Deborah Tavares, who many wrongly mock. She broke the NASA WAR DOCUMENTS story, was one of the first to make people aware of 5G, and here in this video, she explains and demonstrates – with unbiased weather cam imagery – the lens array and fake sun NASA, the corporations and overarching all – the Nephilim elite who rule this world, the principalities and powers and wickedness in high places, as described in Ephesians 6 – are using to deceive humanity, and hide The Destroyer, Wormwood.
The video below – a recent one – does a great job of showing the three cosmological bodies that I keep showing you all with my photographs (and a few videos, mostly from 2018)
This sky and horizon tour by OUR SKIES TODAY is also excellent. He captures how ON US AND COVERING THE ENTIRE HORIZON Nibiru is.
Politics is Theater; FEMA Camps, Mark of the Beast
Tartarian Empire, Free Energy and the Mud Flood (Samuel Clemens/Mark Twain wrote a book called The Year Without A Summer)
They take our trauma energy from the aether via the wires and electric substations and have the gall to sell it back to us as electricity. This is the ultimate free energy, via we the slaves. Blogpost: THEY HIDE THE EVIDENCE – TARTARUS – SOUL ENERGY USED AS POWER
July 17, 2019 (My brother Charlie’s birthday is today, he would be 55. This blog was begun on June 15, 2018, the day he died, all Lucifer’s doing.)
The powers-that-be that do not want you to know that The Destroyer is here have mad eit necessary for me to repost this article I originally posted last August. It’s a straightforward exposé of what’s happening RIGHT NOW, actually. That’s why it’s been censored. (And also why I have had to combat so many evil attempts at my life recently).
Here it is, again:
As some of this blog’s followers may realize, I reference the YouTube channel WSO occasionally, as he has been investigating, to the best of his ability, the incoming Wormwood planetary system we call Nibiru. Between WSO and other Nibiru researchers, a non-conventional alliance, or “team”, as WSO founder Steve Olson calls it, has formed to observe, document, comprehend and disseminate to the world the evidence collected that not only they discover but is sent to them from people all over the world, myself included.
I’ve had a few brief exchanges with Steve, and watched many of his videos, and find him to be dedicated, sincere and, well, good. He even featured one of my photographs in this video looking into Ezekiel’s Wheel, called Clear Image of Anomaly – From Ground NW Sky – IMPORTANT. (If you want to watch it, click the title, otherwise, please continue reading!)
My Ezekiel’s Wheel Photograph On WSO
So here’s the video with the Eye of Horus as seen in the Earth’s magnetosphere as of August 3rd…
(It’s now unavailable)
July 17, 2019 UPDATE! Either WSO is gone (horrors! NOOOO!) or the video was banned. Clicking the title yields YT’s infamous VIDEO UNAVAILABLE – but it’s mirrored here
WOW is the bad brother getting big.
And THIS, my friends, is how we know – and YOU can know – that we are saying the forbidden truth they do not want you to know.
When I say that this Nibiru investigation is unconventional, by that I mean that is not recognized by anything that is mainstream: government, media, accredited and tenured (funded by grants e.g. “bought”, sold out) academics and historians, organized and bureaucratically correct 501c3 tax-paying recognized churches of any denomination, to the man on the street, who never looks up, too busy with their smart watch, phone or tablet to look and see the chemtrails – and that the sky has changed! The ruling class of powers-that-be, which exert total dominance over everything that is put forth as to be known in this world: all supposed facts, have had their mouthpiece organizations declare that “twelve new clouds have been discovered for the first time in thirty years of observation”, according to the Weather Channel’s article, just one of the hundreds of search engine results for instances of this fraud. So far, and I have not spent hours looking (but it should not be that difficult to locate a timeline of dates, if the [sic] ‘discovery of new clouds’ is supposedly a fact), I cannot find the name of the cloud that the United Nations’ run World Meteorological Organization claims to have “discovered” thirty years ago, which incidentally follows the advent of the Stratospheric Aerosol Injection Program, and more, in what we know as global geoengineering that was begun in the 1950’s, and began to be noticed by an observant public few in the early 1970’s.
HAARP-INDUCED MANMADE CLOUD REFERRED TO AS ROLL OR VOLUTUS
By the ’90’s, people all over the world began posting pictures with comments and questions on the internet, asking for answers as to what was happening, only to be met with the fabricated “climate change” ruse being hatched by those who really rule this planet. And going into this millennium, the CIA-coined terms “conspiracy theorist” and “chemtrails” entered mainstream media programming including television, radio, printed newspapers, magazines and government agency as well as academic journals, these deliberately misleading and utterly pejorative labels were – and are still – used to discredit good, honest, ethical and caring people – good stewards of the earth (unlike the “elite”) and manipulate the mass population into the growing deception, which is not only to control and use weather as a weapon, but to hide the approaching planetary system of Nibiru, which WSO and others investigate.
This occulted (the word means hidden) celestial event of the crossing of Nibiru’s orbit with Earth’s occurs every 3,600 years, causes cataclysmic upheavals and a re-set for the planet and its species – including us. The few who survive and repopulate are left with no knowledge of their own history, and must begin again the human journey which always asks: who are we, and where did we come from? And most importantly, where are we going? For although humanity’s knowledge of itself based on accumulated facts of true history can be taken away, there are always traces of the past left to be found, not only in physical things through archeological and cultural physical evidence, including tablets, manuscripts, and carvings on rocks, but knowledge remains in our DNA, which is capable of storing more information than a quantum computer. The intelligence community site Nextgov reports: “Researchers estimate DNA and similar polymers can store information more than 100,000 times more efficiently than traditional data storage technology, and polymers’ stable molecular structure allows them to last hundreds of years without losing or corrupting information. More efficient data storage technology could also help researchers gain increased insights from today’s state-of-the-art supercomputers.” Which is why they want to change it with Transhumanism, to alter our genetic code and make us forget we are of The Most High God. Yehushua’s words as He prayed to our Father before his crucifixion bear out the pantheistic truth that Jehovah is the Most High God: “And this is life eternal, that they might know thee the only true God, and Jesus Christ, whom thou hast sent.” John 17:3
Pre-dynastic mural of Horus and Nut
What the team we are listening to in this video are misinterpreting is who and what the two eyes mean, and who, shall we say, the “players” are here, as depicted in this ancient mural below. The Eye of Horus, or more specifically the left eye, was said to be the moon. The right eye was identified the Eye of Ra, and was said to be the sun.
Horus – Hor Merti, or “Horus of the two eyes” is in reality the Anunnaki nephilim/fallen angel, has been electromagnetically detected, seen and recorded as approaching Earth, and according to measurement is, at the time of the EM signature which was August 3, 2018, is approximately 60% as far away from us as our sun is, we must be careful not to ascribe incorrect identification of which god this Eye of Horus is attributed to as we share and discuss this truly significant cosmological event.
Early pre-dynastic period depiction of Horus the nephilim small-g god
The fate of humans souls hinges on understanding this.
THE FATE OF ALL HUMANITY.
For sadly, the researchers that WSO has allowed to speak in this video, although each is openly proclaiming faith in God, YHVH (Jayweh) and Jesus Christ, are referring to this incoming Eye Of Horus (they mistakenly call Ra) as Jesus, and state that the sun as depicted in the painting in between the two eyes is our sun – and our God. In reality, these gods form the basis of the Sumerian culture, which led to Babylon, and are the reason for the flood of Noah, according to careful examination of the extra-biblical texts to fill out the information given in the canonical bible, which was edited – and many books, manuscripts and letters that should have been in the spiritual record of our world prohibited – by the Roman Empire, which became the Roman Catholic Church. It was the culture we commonly call Egyptian which instituted the paradigm of monarchy: kingships and the ruling class. We have very little conception of human history here on earth before the pre-dynastic period (and it is called Egyptian based on geography, make no mistake, these were what came to be known as Sumerians), and knowledge from such texts (hieroglyphs and cunieforms) such as the Emerald Tablets of Thoth, the Enuma Elish, the Thracian Chronicles, manuscripts from the Dead Sea Scrolls including the Book of Enoch and the Apocrypha, as well as antediluvian cave paintings, rock carvings and archeological finds on every continent. Who knows what has been secreted in the Vatican, or other monarchies worldwide.
In fact, Thoth is considered by the Egyptians to have “invented the arts and sciences, and giving names to things”, when in actuality, this was done by the fallen angels who landed on Mount Hermon, land now held in high security and 24 hour defense watch by the United Nations. The lies know no bounds…
The god Re, or Ra, was not deified by the state of Egypt until the 5th dynasty; much later in time than the time of Horus when immortalized in the first mural, above. By this time, the culture worshiped and slaved under pharaohs known as either Osiris or the sun god Annu, and these were two distinctly separate entities. Re’s (or Ra’s) name is understood to translate as “creative power”, and the mythos developed that he was “the creator”.
However, his cultural entrance did not occur until the 5th dynasty, many years after the appearance of Horus. Therefore, Ra – the sun – is not God. So here is is where the researchers in this video by WSO are so way off that it’s dangerous for those who rely on learning from the information provided to prepare for the end of days and their judgement and entrance to the kingdom of our One True God and Almighty Father, whose son is Jesus Christ. Making matters evening more occluded, the Eye of Horus is not Jesus. With all respect to their sincere efforts, and I believe that they are trying to help others, Catfish Glass and Relentless Maverik are in far deeper than they understand in terms of theological cosmology and the pantheon of gods. I suggest to everyone who watches this video that they utilize the scientific electromagnetic and photographic documentation provided, but to understand the meaning of exactly which GOD and gods were are talking about in these eternally pivotal times, go to sources with actual understanding of who our Father God Source is, based on decades of study. I suggest (name/YT channel) Zen Garcia (Endeavor Freedom), Steve Quayle, Tom Horn, Gary Wayne and Timothy Alberino, to start with. These men have been researching and publishing on the truth of who we are for almost thirty years each (Tim Alberino less, he’s younger), and Zen Garcia’s seminal works, over 25 books published, release and reunite the meaning of all the sacred knowledge that was – and still is, but is quickly being revealed – hidden by the works of darkness who run this world.
What you see is indeed the Eye of Horus. We are not able to understand completely how the icon so well known is “written” in the G.O.E.S. magnetic recorded signature, but it is HUGE. It is Anunnaki, as the Sumerians called it. It is nephilim, a fallen angel. Is it Lucifer? Marduk? For these names could be interchangeable. The pantheon of gods shows that all cultures religions are actually the same. (If you want to understand this quickly, read The Genesis 6 Conspiracy: How Secret Societies and the Descendants of Giants Plan to Enslave Mankind, by Gary Wayne). It’s a huge nut to crack, as we have to unlearn all we have been taught.
One thing for sure, that eye’s not Jesus, and that sun in our sky’s not our heavenly Father.
I’d love to hear your thoughts – or questions – in the comments. LOVE.
I’ve worked at horse barns most of my life, spending time since age two on my Uncle Mike’s farm, learning to ride my cousin Kimmie’s pony Princey at age four. By fourteen I had my first barn job. I mucked stalls, cleaned tack and walked sweaty school horses in endless laps around countless rings for hours a day in exchange for a one-hour weekly lesson. Silver spoon background, I had not: no wealthy parents fostered my passion. I’ll never forget my disbelief at that last job witnessing the Olympic finals teenage rider who’d worn out her show pony throw her engraved sterling silver spurs to the ring gravel as she pulled off her boots, and another throw a helmet that cost as much as a month of lessons. That is, would cost if I, my working single-mother self could’ve afforded them. No, I earned this.
In adulthood, I managed barns, training horses in exchange for board for my own. Motherhood had its own price, and to keep horses in my life required labor expenditure on my part. The difference was that commensurate with my skills came responsibility and respect. I was a self-made equestrian; I had an interesting lifestyle offering stability to my two children because I had no familial or monetary support – even court-ordered child support was held withheld from us by a mad world… but I had horses. Whether my own or others’, I was their keeper, caregiver and sometimes, their last friend. For man has a cruel hand with animals, and most humans refuse to acknowledge how heartless they themselves can be.
With my children grown, my immersion into the horse world increased. I began managing show barns, eventing, dressage, Lexington Cup, then working for Olympic level riders, caring for their million dollar horses. With wealth seemed even greater disregard. Often, I was closer to the horses than their owners.
At that last barn in 2007 was a horse named Felicity. A prematurely aged, emaciated mare; outgrown by the owner’s daughters, then leased for show like a rental car. She had literally run her heart out; they call it broken wind. Labored breath and imbalanced step was her existence. I wondered why they didn’t euthanize her, as I gave her the daily injections they kept her alive with, her suffering made worse by lack of touch. The owners wouldn’t touch her. Money was their love.
One Summer evening, as I arrived to turn out the heat-of-day-stalled equine athletes for their one hour of turnout while I cleaned their stalls, I knew it was Felicity’s time to go. Arriving there after my day job in the hour that ushers twilight in, I went to her stall first and found her chest against the wall, her throttled neck hanging in dead weight over the window ledge, with labored breath and fear in her eyes. “We’re getting spinner rims on our rigs. We can’t come. The vet’s going to put her down in the morning”, one of the owners said when I called.
They were going to let her die alone and didn’t even leave me a note.
Putting my cellphone back my pocket, with all my strength of body and will I lifted her head back out of the window, wrapping myself under her neck. We aren’t supposed to do this, they can crush us if we fall. I supported her all the way to the field gate, reluctantly leaving her standing there as I went to turn out the other four horses. I heard Felicity hit the ground from two barns and an indoor ring away. Grabbing a horse blanket, I ran. A velvet mist coated the dusk, and my eyes caught her silhouette at center of the fenceline at the west edge of the field. Experience had taught me to pad their heads against the ground lest in the throes of death their eyes are gouged out. I kept that blanket under her head and went around in circles with her as her flailing hooves sought one last hold and she gasped for air, eyes seeing beyond wild. She was not going to let life go.
A soft rain began to fall, and without thinking, I remembered asking the owners if she had ever had babies, and was told she’d had one stillborn foal, and was never bred again. Risking safety, I grabbed her head between my hands. Her lips were pulled back as she gnashed her teeth and it was dangerous, her hooves striking in all directions in wild last extensions, running from the end. “Felicity! Felicity! Listen to me, Felicity! Your baby’s out there, do you see her? She’s in the grass; she’s waiting for you to go nurse her. Go to her, go nurse your baby, Felicity!” My hands on each side of her cheeks, I pulled her gaze to where I was looking into the sunset mist and I saw her baby on the green grass waiting in the rain, looking toward her mommy. I did, and she did too. Her neck arched, and her lips curled back in a death rattle froth of foam for what seemed like forever. I held her face looking into her eyes and I saw not death, but Life. I saw her run to her baby in the green grass in the rain. I saw beyond an ending to the eternity waiting before us. Felicity helped me to see.
Laura R. Brooks
Written March, 2013
Felicity – noun; [mass noun]
1. Intense happiness. Example sentences: ‘What he’s talking about – as always – is how to lead a good and therefore happy life; he loved productivity and valued felicity.’ ‘In this respect they work as much in favor of happiness in this world as of felicity in the next.’ ‘We suspect felicity is not likely to accompany a sense of entitlement, which arises from a sullen sense that not only are things not improving but that that is because we have no control – the world does not appreciate our true worth.’ ‘For such a person, felicity after death could be higher than felicity before death. But felicity is, in the end, something to be sought.’ ‘All we have to do is speak our preferences plainly and a whole new world of mutual felicity should arise.’
2. The ability to find appropriate expression for one’s thoughts. Example sentences: ‘He exposed the kernel of the matter with his elegance and felicity of expression, and audacities of phrase struck him as grotesque monstrosities, where everything was absurd, unreal, and impossible.’ ‘An original thinker always alertly attuned to contemporary culture, he was admired for his intellectual style and the felicity with which he expressed his ideas.’ ‘Authentic humans draw on experience and felicity of expression, courage and uncompromising values to become witnesses to truth.’
Synonyms: Eloquence, aptness, appropriateness, appropriacy, suitability, suitableness, applicability, fitness, relevance, pertinence, correctness, rightness Example sentences: ‘I have wondered, for instance, whether it is more a sense of brushstroke rather than verbal felicity that makes for some of the most arresting words and imagery in the arts.’ ‘It has been admired for ‘its simplicity, its dignity, its power, its happy turns of expression the music of its cadences, and the felicities of its rhythm.’ ‘Innocent jokes depend upon verbal felicities, puns, play upon words, combining incongruous words, oscillating between occasional felicities amidst triviality.’
Origin Late Middle English: from Old French felicite, from Latin felicitas, from felix, felic- ‘happy’.
Looking at the word KAHAN in pictographic letter form, as it always is in the Hebrew, one sees it is of three letters (pictograph symbol elements, to the western mindset), reading from right to left. The first one is an upturned open palm, which signifies “bend, allow, open, tame”: to submit; to be open to input. The next letter is a man with arms raised up with inspired revelation. The last letter is a nune, a representation of a sperm, and means life, or if in the final position, means the final son or heir who is the Messiah.
